For The First Time
U2

I have a lover
A lover like no other
She got soul, soul, soul, sweet soul
And she teach me how to sing
Shows me colours when there's none to see
Gives me hope when I can't believe
That for the first time
I feel love
I have a brother
When I'm a brother in need
I spend my whole time running
He spends his running after me
When I feel myself going down
I just call and he comes around
But for the first time
I feel love
My father is a rich man
He wears a rich man's cloak
Gave me the keys to his kingdom coming
Gave me a cup of gold
He said I have many mansions
And there are many rooms to see
But I left by the back door
And I threw away the key
And I threw away the key
Yeah, I threw away the key
Yeah, I threw away the key
For the first time
For the first time
For the first time
I feel love

This weekend I'll be making the tests that will change my life. Even if I don't pass (which I'm sure will not happen), everything will be different. I'll have to come up with a different plan. Find another job, another city, maybe another country. I just know that if I don't do anything, in a few years all of this will be only part of a tenage dream that died long ago. I'm not gonna let this happen!!! And I've decided that this is the time to jump. Just choose one of the sides and dive in, get out of the top of the wall. And I know that I can do that. For the first time in my life I feel like there is no doubt in my heart. Please, let me hold on to this feeling for ever!!!

I think I'm gonna be ok. I will handle it, I've always had.

Is that what it takes to grow up? Become insensitive, cold, reasonable... Just like in the Supertramp's song: "sensible, logical, responsible, practical, dependable, clinical, intellectual, cynical." I don't want to live in this World, but it's getting hard to keep finding life wonderful, a miracle, beautiful, magical." And it's hard to continue trying to be special, different, uncommon, without feeling that I am a freak, a creep, a weirdo... Should I just adapt myself to this awful, horrible world? It's something that I've promissed myself not to do no matter how hard things get. But I believe that now there is no option, or I adapt or I run, finding myself someplace else... I don't know which one is harder...

Now I really, really have hurt my friend. There is no turning back. I'm just feeling awful about everything and I want someone to blame.

And Heaven knows I'm miserable now.

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about right now.