"No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck" (Celebrity)

I'm feeling so… I don't know… what is that? "Feeling I don’t know"? I guess I'm confused. Really messed up. How did I end up this way? Where were the intersections of this major road? Did I take the right way? Or did I just go with the flow. Acting blind to the choices that I had to make. Making choices… that's what makes people grow up.

There are so many people out there that never grew up and never will. They will always have someone to make the choices for them. First, it will be their parents, then, it will be the system. They will always think that they are the ones that are making the choices, but they will be choosing things like "what color should I wear to go in this direction", instead of "what should I wear", or "if I should wear anything" or even "if I should go in this direction at all". People don’t realize that. No one makes really important decisions in their lives, they are always running after freedom, but they are actually running away from it.

It’s hard being free. Really hard… I catch myself doing that all the time… All my speeches about being free and all that, and I’m so IN the system. I never pictured myself ending up this way. How many years have I lost? How many years am I still going to loose? "Every time the clock runs one more hour, one more hour, what it's really saying is one less hour, one less hour" (It's from Abril Despedaçado). It's so true. Not only for someone who is about to die, but for everyone, because we are all going to end up dead sometime. We should enjoy the journey. Don't waste our hours…

I just remembered the movie "The Hours". So many people didn’t like it. It’s a kind of movie that I wouldn’t indicate to anyone. I loved it, but it’s really hard for someone to like it… People don’t want to face those problems, it’s too hard for them. "I'm living a life I have no wish to live.... How did this happen?" (Virginia Wolf.) I'm feeling more and more like that. What can I do? What choices do I have?