You know when you hear something about your life that usually you would just forget, but you can't stop thinking about it? It's something so right and said in the exactly time that you are needing to hear it. But the thing is you don't know what to do with that. So it keeps repeating in your head... My friend told me something like that last week and I still couldn't get rid of it. Let me go back to the beginning... I'm gonna travel with a french guy and I had said that I was gonna date him, just kidding. So, this friend of mine asked me if I was really gonna date the guy and I said that I was really interested in a friend of his that I've seen in a photograph. So I would go with him to France to meet his friend. Of course I was kidding, but my friend said to me: "yes, great, do what you always do, fantasize about a guy who doesn?t exists". Than I said: "And who does know that I exist here or in France?" He said: "I bet there?s plenty of guys here, guys who talks to you everyday". And I said: "Are you including yourself in this group? Cause if you are not I wanna ask you to stop saying things like that: you are 100% passionate, there's plenty of guys who would love to date you. Let people know how you really are and you never gonna complain about loneliness again. Why you say that? You asked me to stop saying that you think you are too much, I'm gonna ask you to stop saying that. And than he said that if he thinks he is too much I think I'm too little and I shouldn't do that, he was just trying to open my eyes."
Is that true? Do I not valorize myself? Do I hide? Do I keep myself apart and don't let people know who I really am? Is that why I'm alone? I always fantasy about a perfect guy and I never meet him. I don't know what to do. I think it's time to have some changing.

I'm feeling a mix of sensations and I don't know why once and again I feel like crying. For no reason at all I start to cry and it's suffocating. The said thing is that I don't tell anyone and because I don't tell anyone, when I'm locked in my bedroon crying is one of the moments that I feel more lonely in my life. I think I must be lonely. The only time that I've opened myself completly to someone the results weren't so good. Should I go back to the lonely life that I had before? I was still lonely but at least I was able to deal with everything alone, I had already got used to that. Now I just want to have someone by my side everytime that I'm feeling lonely and the problem is that I always feel lonely when there is no one avaiable... Everyone with their busy lives in this busy world. Why is everyone always running to no place at all? Why people born to an already made big play. Where only a few parts are avaiable but you cannot write your own script? What if I don't want to play the part that was given to me? What if I want to write my own script? What if I want to direct a completly different play? Am I crazy to think that it's possible? I'm so tired lately that soon I'll be hanging with other actors who never leave their parts.

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away
Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

[chorus]
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip,
I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
when you turn around can you recognize my face you used to love me,
you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case
Everything wasn't ok I was left to cry there
waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

[chorus]

Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there
when I was scared I was so alone Why should I care
Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don't care then I don't care were not going anywhere
Why should I care cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care If you don't care then i don't care were not going anywhere

Why do you always do this to me
Why couldn't you just see you threw me
How come you act like this like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe I was the the only one to fall

I can feel, I can feel you near me
Even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you tell me

Are you and me still together? Tell me
You think we can last forever? Tell me...
Why?

Hey listen to what we're not saying
Let's play a different game than what we're playing
Try to look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart

I can feel, I can feel you near me
Even when you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you tell me

Are you and me still together? Tell me
You think we can last forever? Tell me...
Why?

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you notice how you feel, you feel

I can feel, I can feel you near me
Even though you're far away
I can feel, I can feel you baby why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you tell me

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you more and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you tell me

Are you and me still together? Tell me
You think we can last forever? Tell me...
Why?

I've realized that I'm not keeping my promisse... Oh, big news! I've never had before...
Waw... Suddenly I'm making myself so unatractive to everyone... I'm not this horrible person... Actually there is a song by Legiao that I identify myself: "Sempre fa?o mil coisas ao mesmo tempo e at? que ? f?cil acostumar-se com meu jeito...". I always do one thousand things at the same time and it's easy to get use to my way of living...". Sorry for the bad translation...
So. Now that you all know that I'm a likeable person, let me tell you a little bit about my latest days... I'm very happy at work. My best friend is now the supervisor of the next section. I'm so happy. This is so good for her! And it's gonna be great for me too. The older boss used to be horrible with me for no understandable reason... But now it's all great...

I've made a decision: from this day on, I'm gonna update all my blogs frequently. And I'm gonna try to keep my promisses and keep rotines and not do everything at the same time and give the same attention to all my friends, and... a lot of things... I'm gonna try!